


Dirk Seemed Fine

by GutsyGumshoe



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depression, Dirks been having a rough time and the others help, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Group Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Other, Post-Game, Sadstuck, he talks about what bro did to dave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 15:18:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7689673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GutsyGumshoe/pseuds/GutsyGumshoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk pretends he's okay and his friends know he's not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirk Seemed Fine

It’s been months since the game ended, everything seemed fine; Dave and Karkat were happy, Jane and Jake sorted through all their problems, Roxy hadn’t even touched any alcohol since she stopped, and Dirk seemed fine.

He really wasn’t.

To everyone else he looked better than ever, he was actually sleeping and he and Jake had reformed their friendship, but something was wrong. It was obvious to Dirk, but he’d had too long to perfect his mask. He slept. He slept and only woke when his body wouldn’t allow him to fall back asleep, when Roxy or Jane would drag him out of bed, when he was on the verge of being sick with nerves for no goddamn reason.

Dirk could feel it, he was barely hanging on, one nudge and his walls would break apart and everything he’d been holding back would drown him. Every waking moment was  _ filled  _ with this impending threat, clawing at the back of his mind, every conversation, every action, every false smile, he could feel it drawing closer.

Until it broke him.

It happened while he was talking to Jake after a group movie night, he’d been worried, apparently, about how he was, Roxy had said something had been off. Of course they’d been talking about him, probably laughing about how pathetic he was being, spending weeks on end passed out in a dark room, avoiding his problems the only way he had left. They must think he was a coward.

“Dirk? Are you listening, old chap?” Jake waved a hand in front of his face, as he snapped out of his thoughts. 

“Yeah man, of course.” Jane was there too now, he hadn’t even noticed her arrival.

“It’s just that we’re really worried about you, and all this spacing out certainly isn’t encouraging! I know I’m not the most observant but even I’ve noticed something’s going on with you Strider!”

“Dirk you know you can tell us if something’s wrong don’t, you? We’re you’re friends, we care about you and want to know if something's going on with you.” Jane gently placed her hand on his shoulder and he froze, staring at her hand, not taking in any of the words being said to him. They we’re too good for him, he was selfish and cowardly and toxic and yet they cared for him. He didn’t deserve their love.

“Dirk? What’s wrong?” That was Roxy, people need to stop appearing when he isn’t paying attentions, shit’s hells of rude. She was looking at him in concern, brow furrowed and eyes searching his face as if it would give her the answers she wanted. “Dirk, why are you crying?” Crying? He brought a hand up to his face, and sure enough his cheeks were wet with tears

“I- Uh, it doesn’t matter.” He hastily tried to wipe them away, despite knowing they’d already seen it. “ I’m fine, really, don’t worry about it. I’ve got stuff to do, I-”

“You sit down right now buster, you are obviously not fine. Now tell us what’s going on! You can’t keep bottling this up, i know you like to pretend you’re emotionless but we all saw past that facade years ago.” She put her hands on her hips, every inch concerned and caring yet stern, she wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Dirky please, you’ve gotta let us help!” He couldn’t look at her, Roxy obviously cared so much, and what had he done to deserve that care? Reject her and manipulate her?

“I don’t need your help, Rox. I’m handling it. There’s no need to bother any of you when you have better things to spend your time on.”

“Better things? Things more important than my best friend? I  _ want  _ to help you, I care about you.”

“Why would you want to waste your time on me?!" Tears welled up in his eyes and he felt his throat tightening up “I’m a fucking mess, I don’t deserve your help! I don’t deserve any of you! I’m manipulative and toxic and I stay anyway because I’m just that selfish! I don’t get why any of you are here, especially after I told you about what I did to Dave -” He could feel tears streaming down his face, hot and humiliating. His vision blurred and his voice shook as he blurted it out.

“Dirk Strider don’t you dare even think like that!” Jane looked pissed, fuck he messed it all up. “For starters that was  _ not you  _ who did those awful things to Dave, that was his guardian-”

“Who is me in an alternate universe!”

“Yes, an  _ alternate universe  _ , you are not responsible for what he did!”

“Dirk, look at me.” He looked up at Roxy, she was crying, oh shit, he did that.

“I- Rox, I’m sorry-”

“No, Dirk, listen, we love you, _ we care about you!  _ Do you honestly believe that stuff about yourself?”

“Of course I do! Wh-” He was interrupted by arms around his waist, Roxy, she tucked her head into his shoulder. She was soon joined by Jane on his right side, and Jake on his left, it was a goddamn crying fest, people sobbing all over the place, banners were up, sad music playing, the mayor was making a speech and the food vendors were every 5 feet, shit was wild.

“You’re none of those things, chum, you’re amazing and brilliant and you care so much i don’t think it’s possible for you to be toxic. I’ve seen how much bloody effort you put into  _ not  _ becoming the guy Dave grew up with, it’s incredible Dirk, it really is.” Dirk couldn’t reply, his body just wasn’t cooperating and he just cried harder, burying his face in Roxy’s hair.

They stayed like that for a while, Dirk couldn’t really tell for how long, it could have been an eternity. Jane eventually separated from the cuddle pile and helped them up and to bed with a “I’ll be checking on you, buster!”

He’d tell them what was wrong sooner or later, when he was ready, but for once, Dirk went to sleep feeling better than when he woke up.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> lmao haven't written in a long time, also completely forgot i promised to do another chapter on the scissors fic after exams, ill try and do it soon but dont be surprised if it doesn't get done (sorry guys)


End file.
